


Just Beginnings

by Red Charade (traciller)



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fix-it fic, Gen, Pre-Femslash, first attempt, swanqueen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-13
Updated: 2014-11-13
Packaged: 2018-02-25 05:47:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2610683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/traciller/pseuds/Red%20Charade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after the events with Emma and her powers in s4e7. Emma is in her car, parked overlooking Storybrooke and evaluating the mess she’s in, how she got there, and weighing her options...which seem quite sparse at the moment, when there is a knock on her car window.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably the first femslash fic I’ve ever written, with the exception of a failed attempt at a Sailor Moon femslash fic when I was 14 or 15. Please keep this in mind while reading. This is also my first attempt at an OUAT fic, so I do apologize if I don’t have the feel for the characters yet. I have not intentionally or knowingly made anyone OOC.

Emma sat in her small yellow bug, looking out over the town from where she was parked high above it, feeling safe for the moment...but also completely alone. Like the Lost Girl she used to be and apparently still was.

Her family had just been an illusion. A nice dream she was playing at. A game of make-believe that had gone on too long and of which she was far too old for. She had thought she’d learned her lesson but apparently she’d forgotten she wasn’t allowed to have nice things like family and friends she could trust, who would love her unconditionally, who would stick by her no matter what. Everything had a condition, even love.

She saw that now, and she knew that everyone else realized it too. The Snow Queen had been right about that. Emma had to at least grant the woman that, even if her ploy hadn’t exactly worked.

Emma had figured out, sitting up here by herself in her car, that Ingrid had set the whole thing up to happen this way. In that, her plan worked flawlessly. She’d gotten Emma to lose control of her powers enough to do something big and spectacular, something that couldn’t be hidden or explained away. Something that would shock everyone, including herself. And that just happened to end up being blowing a giant wall in the sheriff’s station wall just in time for everyone to see it. To remind Emma, and everyone else, that she was not normal. That she was out of control and couldn’t be trusted. She wanted Emma back in the place where she felt alone and abandoned, like no one in the world was on her side. She wanted to make sure that not only did Emma feel that way, but that it was true. And it was. That had worked out beautifully for Ingrid’s plan.

She’d even injured her father while she’d still been in a state of shock and unable to control her powers. Injured him was a nice word for it. She was pretty sure it didn’t look like a serious injury, but it could have been. She could have killed him. He’d only been trying to help her, to comfort her, like a father should. And that was his reward.

Not to mention the look on her mother’s face. That was the second time in 24 hours that she’d put that look on her mother’s face. So, really, even without Ingrid causing problems she was unable to control her magic. That part wasn’t really Ingrid’s fault, she was just playing at a recognized weakness. And what else did you expect a supervillain to do?

She was revealed for the uncontrollable monster that she was. Not only to everyone else, but to herself. Emma had realized, when her mother had called the person who had caused the explosion a monster...that she was right. She was a monster. Even if her mother probably would’ve taken the words back, it didn’t matter. They were spoken, they were true, and everyone would always be thinking it in the back of their minds. Even Emma. She’d never truly be trusted again. Not the way she used to be.

And she couldn’t blame them for that. That was where she and the Dairy Queen differed. That was the flaw in the plan. Emma wasn’t all about vengeance and hate and wanting to punish people or the world for not giving her that happy, wonderful life that she’d been robbed of. She’d grown up in a world where she had to simply realize that sometimes life was just not fair. And you had to suck it up and find a way to deal with it. And if that meant removing yourself from people and situations and temptation, well...that’s what you did. She had no desire to punish other people for her own failings.

She was afraid and upset, but she still didn’t blame them. If she was scared of her own powers, then how could she blame anyone else for feeling the same way? And given what she’d done to that wall, and earlier what she’d done to her innocent baby brother’s bottle, that fear seemed very justified.

But, while she could run away from them in pain, in shame, in fear, in disappointment, she couldn’t run from herself or her powers. Those stayed with her, as much as she wished that didn’t have to be the case.

She could at least keep everyone else safe from the monster these powers made her. She hated being alone again, though. Maybe Elsa would understand. Hell, Emma knew she would! And Emma still had to help her with finding Anna, but that seemed impossible now. It was best to let the others help Elsa and not complicate things for her by making everyone more suspicious of her again by having them find out she was hanging around Emma. No, better to avoid Elsa, too.

Her parents were terrified of her. Oh well...they weren’t really her parents, anyway. They never had a real chance to be a family. Just as well she never got totally used to calling them her parents, her family, her mom and dad out loud. It would make it easier to get unused to saying those things in her head, right?

And there was no way she could go near Henry like this and endanger his life.

She was well and truly alone. Again. She really didn’t want to get used to that all over again. Didn’t even know if she could now that she’d had a real taste of the other side and let herself get used to it, let herself believe she was allowed to be happy, to hope and expect for it to be real and to last.

That’s what she got for being naive and thinking she could be loved and have somewhere to belong. To no longer be a Lost Girl. For letting herself believe she deserved that out of life.

A sharp tap on her window startled a gasp and a jump out of her, her head turning quickly as she expected danger.

When she saw who stood there she sighed, in some relief, but narrowed her eyes as she rolled the window down.

“What are you doing here?” she demanded, guarded but also a touch exasperated.

“I came to see how you were doing, what else? After what happened at the sheriff’s station I thought you could use some company,” Regina said and smiled.

“Yeah right. How’d you even find me?” Emma wasn’t sure if she was more suspicious or confused.

“You didn’t bother to take your things with you when you left. A simple locator spell did the trick,” Regina replied, rolling her eyes. “I hope you aren’t planning to make me stand out here all night. It’s cold.”

It was Emma’s turn to roll her eyes now as she leaned over and unlocked the passenger door. “Get in,” she said and rolled up her window.

Regina walked around and got into the car, rubbing her arms to warm them.

“Where’s Henry?” Emma asked.

“Well, since you ran off to sulk and no one could find you, he got so worried that I sent him to stay with his grandparents for the night and promised to find you myself.”

“I’m not sulking,” Emma frowned.

“Really? Well, then, what are you doing? Because it looks a whole lot like sulking to me. Everyone is worried sick about you, including our son, and here you are sitting up here in the cold not answering your phone.”

“I doubt everyone is worried. You should have seen the way Mary Margaret and David were looking at me. You should have seen what I did to David. And that was the second time in one day I scared Mary Margaret. Trust me. I’m a monster, they’re not worried about me. There’s no way I can put Henry in danger while my powers are so uncontrollable.” she realized she was just this side of ranting at this point, but for some reason everything she’d been thinking of up until now just came pouring out of her mouth without her seeming to be able to do anything about it.

Regina rolled her eyes again, in that exasperated ‘I’m surrounded by fools’ way of hers. “Oh, come off it! You haven’t even done a fraction of the damage I’ve done. You made a couple of mistakes and let your emotions get the better of you. If you want to be safe with your magic, you have to practice.”

“My emotions?” what the hell did her emotions have to do with this? Being upset wasn’t an excuse for what she’d done. Or what she could do if she was around people right now.

“Yes! Magic is very much tied to emotion and desire.” Regina was frankly appalled Emma hadn’t put that together yet. it looked like she really had her work cut out for her.

“Well, how the hell am I supposed to do that?! Emotions are emotions!”

“I always knew you were astute, Emma. What a stunning realization,” Regina commented with a somewhat flat tone.

“You know what I mean,” Emma said, weary and unamused.

“Yes, I do. And that’s why you’re lucky I’m going to help you.” Controlling magical outbursts was a lot like controlling physical outbursts. Everyone had emotions, but that didn’t mean that anytime you were angry or frustrated you had a license to scream or hit people. Even those without magic learned to control themselves in that regard.

“I thought you didn’t want to help me?”

“Well, it turns out I have to or you may accidentally destroy the town.”

Emma pursed her lips, “That’s not funny.”

“No, it isn’t. Which is why I’m going to help you. That, and our son needs both his mothers.”

Emma looked down a bit and smiled.

“Yeah, I guess he does, doesn’t he?”

“Does that mean you’ll stop sulking and come home?” Regina asked with a raised eyebrow and a smile of her own.

“Yeah, I guess it does.”

 **  
**“Good, now drive us back to civilization, it’s cold in here too,” Regina said impatiently, glad that was over with. Although, as Emma started the car and they got on their way, both women supposed it was really only just starting.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon a Time, nor do I own any of its characters, and I am not affiliated with anyone who does own rights to the show, its characters, or its themes. I am not making any money from this fanwork. It is purely for entertainment purposes only. This work is not to be viewed as endorsed by the rights holders of the aforementioned TV show, characters, or themes and is in no way canon to the source material.


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